Into the Valley
My kids new something was wrong when I asked them to come out onto the back deck of my brother-in-law's home. They had been there all day while my wife had surgery to remove what was expected to be a benign tumor.
"Mom's surgery went well", I said reassuringly. "But there's something I need to explain to you." My 12 year old daughter knew something was up as they both settled onto my lap.
"Mom has cancer, doesn't she dad?!" she said as her eyes filled with tears. My 10 year old son sat silently, looking very worried.
"Well, you know how people say I have good news and bad news? I have good news, bad news and more good news". I was totally calm with no sign of worry or tears.
"Tell us the bad news first" my daughter said in a demanding tone. My son looked up and said very seriously, "Dad, is mom going to die?" I almost lost it then, but held on. Am I in a movie?, I wondered to myself.
"No. That is the good news! She has done well in surgery and did not get sick from the anesthetic, just like we prayed! The bad news is yes, she does have cancer, but not the kind Mrs. Lucy had." (Lucy was a friend of ours who died from intestinal cancer a few years ago.)
"And the other good news is this cancer is treatable and mommy is probably going to be ok!"
My daughter started to cry then, while my son looked very relieved and wanted to get back to his legos. "But now mom is going to lose her hair!" she wailed! Amazing, the difference in perspective.
Later the next day, I did lose it. There are no guarantees after all. The doctors had all been wrong from the get -go. Could they be wrong about this? Will I be raising these two wonderful kids alone? The thought of my daughter hitting her teenage years without her mother finally brought me to tears in the waiting room. Up until then I had been resolute and calm. While her mom and others cried as the surgeon told us the news , I just stared at the table in front of me.
My wife has cancer.
My wife.
No. Not possible. Wrong patient. Wrong waiting room.
It just can't be.....
(To be continued....)
"Mom's surgery went well", I said reassuringly. "But there's something I need to explain to you." My 12 year old daughter knew something was up as they both settled onto my lap.
"Mom has cancer, doesn't she dad?!" she said as her eyes filled with tears. My 10 year old son sat silently, looking very worried.
"Well, you know how people say I have good news and bad news? I have good news, bad news and more good news". I was totally calm with no sign of worry or tears.
"Tell us the bad news first" my daughter said in a demanding tone. My son looked up and said very seriously, "Dad, is mom going to die?" I almost lost it then, but held on. Am I in a movie?, I wondered to myself.
"No. That is the good news! She has done well in surgery and did not get sick from the anesthetic, just like we prayed! The bad news is yes, she does have cancer, but not the kind Mrs. Lucy had." (Lucy was a friend of ours who died from intestinal cancer a few years ago.)
"And the other good news is this cancer is treatable and mommy is probably going to be ok!"
My daughter started to cry then, while my son looked very relieved and wanted to get back to his legos. "But now mom is going to lose her hair!" she wailed! Amazing, the difference in perspective.
Later the next day, I did lose it. There are no guarantees after all. The doctors had all been wrong from the get -go. Could they be wrong about this? Will I be raising these two wonderful kids alone? The thought of my daughter hitting her teenage years without her mother finally brought me to tears in the waiting room. Up until then I had been resolute and calm. While her mom and others cried as the surgeon told us the news , I just stared at the table in front of me.
My wife has cancer.
My wife.
No. Not possible. Wrong patient. Wrong waiting room.
It just can't be.....
(To be continued....)
posted by Rob | 1:39 PM
3 Comments:
You know how many people have been joining your family in prayer as this ordeal has unfolded. But, as I read your post and am writing this, I realize that the hundreds have not only have joined you in prayer, but those whose lives you have touched also share in the disbelief, tears, praise, questions, and maybe even some anger. We don't have the same "My wife" perspective as you, but she has given so much of herself that she is most certainly "our Miriam."
I don't know if that gives you any moment of comfort or encouragement. If nothing else it reminds me how deep and enduring is our bond as joint heirs in Christ.
I was in tears with you as I read this. I'm with you in prayer.
Amanda
My heart is so deeply moved to read the insides of what you have shared Rob... both you and Miriam are walking this out with such tremendous grace and peace, that I am so touched by.
Please be assured that my prayers are with you both... so many prayers...
Thank you for sharing this with us... and the more that is to come... for trusting us to hold it as you do, as precious and awe inspiring.
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