Well Behaved Women.....and What is a Good Marriage Anyway?
"Well Behaved Women Never Made History"
The bumper sticker always catches my attention when I see it on a certain car that is often before me as I drop off my kids at school. Out of the car steps a 5th grade boy...and everyone cringes. He is probably one of the worst kids in the school, regularly calling out to his teacher things like "Hey: Screw this test!" Yes, his mother is making history alright. Oviously I don't know the whole story here, but as she drives off, I wonder if she really knows the legacy she is leaving behind?
Well, if you read the comments on this latest topic of marriage, there is alot to consider. And if you go to the web sites and other sources, there is far more to mull over. But let's cut to the chase.
Here is what a Godly, Biblical marriage looks like....well, yes, in my view. (Hey, it's my blog isn't it?) But I base it on a sensible interpretation of scripture, taken in context (this includes taking all the scriptures having to do with marrriage into consideration, not just camping on some that suit one's agenda). I also base it on solid scholarship (for example, check out Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands (2004)by Dr. Brad Wilcox) and experience knowing hundreds of couples, young and old. And lastly, I have been married almost 19 years myself. So here it goes:
A husband loves his wife, often sacrificially-that means 'til it hurts! He gives of his time and energy and loves her as Christ loves the church, with tenderness and grace. He is also the head, meaning he gives direction and leadership to the couple and the family, also as Christ did (and does) to the church. Jesus does not lead arbitrarily, but with much prayer and consulting with the Father-so must the husband. He loves his wife and children with a passion-but does not cater to every whim or want. He must use discernment and seek wisdom, all in the context of love.
A wife loves her husband, also sacrifially at times. She is to respect him and honor him as the leader of the home and not try to take charge when she disagrees. As the bride, she is also tender and gracious, knowing he, being human, will make lots of mistakes. She too needs godly wisdom and counsel from others. She can be involved in all kinds of activites, including work or career (Prov 31) as long as it does not interfere with the family or hurt her husband in his capacity as head of the home. There are stages of life as children get older and certainly there can be changes in how things are done over time.
Obviously, there are situations of extreme behavior or circumstances that would alter this. And even though I continue to argue it is all too common, divorce may be the only option when things are just too fargone (e.g. adultery, abuse, etc.) Even Jesus taught that.
Corrallary: Be careful who you marry! Be certain you know the other person well enough that you can commit to this!
Sadly, even as I write this, another marriage in our church is failing. The newly minted college graduate wife doesn't want to go where her husband's headed. She follows her own path.
Her children weep.
Her God weeps.
And all of us should weep as well.
The bumper sticker always catches my attention when I see it on a certain car that is often before me as I drop off my kids at school. Out of the car steps a 5th grade boy...and everyone cringes. He is probably one of the worst kids in the school, regularly calling out to his teacher things like "Hey: Screw this test!" Yes, his mother is making history alright. Oviously I don't know the whole story here, but as she drives off, I wonder if she really knows the legacy she is leaving behind?
Well, if you read the comments on this latest topic of marriage, there is alot to consider. And if you go to the web sites and other sources, there is far more to mull over. But let's cut to the chase.
Here is what a Godly, Biblical marriage looks like....well, yes, in my view. (Hey, it's my blog isn't it?) But I base it on a sensible interpretation of scripture, taken in context (this includes taking all the scriptures having to do with marrriage into consideration, not just camping on some that suit one's agenda). I also base it on solid scholarship (for example, check out Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands (2004)by Dr. Brad Wilcox) and experience knowing hundreds of couples, young and old. And lastly, I have been married almost 19 years myself. So here it goes:
A husband loves his wife, often sacrificially-that means 'til it hurts! He gives of his time and energy and loves her as Christ loves the church, with tenderness and grace. He is also the head, meaning he gives direction and leadership to the couple and the family, also as Christ did (and does) to the church. Jesus does not lead arbitrarily, but with much prayer and consulting with the Father-so must the husband. He loves his wife and children with a passion-but does not cater to every whim or want. He must use discernment and seek wisdom, all in the context of love.
A wife loves her husband, also sacrifially at times. She is to respect him and honor him as the leader of the home and not try to take charge when she disagrees. As the bride, she is also tender and gracious, knowing he, being human, will make lots of mistakes. She too needs godly wisdom and counsel from others. She can be involved in all kinds of activites, including work or career (Prov 31) as long as it does not interfere with the family or hurt her husband in his capacity as head of the home. There are stages of life as children get older and certainly there can be changes in how things are done over time.
Obviously, there are situations of extreme behavior or circumstances that would alter this. And even though I continue to argue it is all too common, divorce may be the only option when things are just too fargone (e.g. adultery, abuse, etc.) Even Jesus taught that.
Corrallary: Be careful who you marry! Be certain you know the other person well enough that you can commit to this!
Sadly, even as I write this, another marriage in our church is failing. The newly minted college graduate wife doesn't want to go where her husband's headed. She follows her own path.
Her children weep.
Her God weeps.
And all of us should weep as well.
posted by Rob | 1:07 PM
7 Comments:
Wow, i step away for a couple days and much evolves in the rob-blog world! I really enjoy the links you add...and I've learned from everyone's perspectives, wish I had more time to comment tonight...but alas I must return upstairs to my husband...wouldn't want to be caught being a bad wife! I'd like to hear some of your real-life examples, rob. Let's talk about where the rubber meets the road. It's easy to talk about it theoretically, but what does a good marriage look like practically?
vince- I share your pain...I cringe at times when I reread my stuff too!
If I get married, I want to be very married.
All this talk of marriage only reinforces why I want to stay single...
oh dean. marriage is wonderful. don't let us give marriage a bad name. what's that saying about "anything worth having is a lot of work"? I slaughtered the saying, but you know what I'm talking about. It is hard. But it is very worth it.
"Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others."
Rob,
From my observations of German couples during my brief stay in Munich, there seemed to be more stability in couple relationships in Germany than in the United States. This is unscientific, but I think it may be true even though they have less traditional views on marriage and are less 'Christian' than Americans. Germans are on the average more educated and self-disciplined than US couples.
In any case, maybe the demise of marriage is not due to loss of traditional roles for the husband and wife. Maybe it is our Madison Avenue culture that encourages hedonism. We are cultural hedonists who say, "I want to be happy and have fun above all else." This can't be good for long term relationships.
Consumerism IS our culture and IS our national religion. The health of our nation is measured in GDP growth of purchases. The success of our lives is measured in the size of our house and number of vehicles. The health of our marriages is measured by the 'happy level' of the individuals.
You've been tagged. pete's wife tagged me and I couldn't think of six more people to tag, so guess who got lucky? YOU! tell us, please, six weird habits you have. Then kindly tag some other folks to tell us their weird habits. annoying, huh?!
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