The Death of Marriage Part II
"What we work out in our journals we don't take out on family and friends." -Madeleine L'Engle, in the forward to C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed.
Hyperbole can be very useful. After all, Jesus used it frequently. Of course, my title "Marriage is Dead" is just that, designed to get your attention. And yet...
I really appreciate those of you who comment. I truly hope what I write will influence some to think, reconsider positions, and open their minds beyond the indoctrination of our culture, education and poor Biblical teaching. I would love to see a resurgence of godly marriages! But so far, all the comments to my humble blog support my contentions. Let's see, where to begin.
1. What is the central tenant of feminism? Simple: Men and women are basically the same, and therefore equal in all respects (actually, feminsim morphed over the years to really take the position that women are better than men, but that is another topic.) One comment alluded to the idea that scripture even teaches this.
Wow.
The "Big Lie" triumphs again-say something loud enough and often enough and people will believe it. Gentle readers, of course scripture teaches we are equal before God: in Christ there is neither male nor female. No one doubts that. But the idea we are the same in all respects is just, well, ... absurd. You might as well believe the moon is made of cheese. Genetics, physiology, pschology, history, archeology,and theology (solid, not spongy post-modern nonsense) all disprove this. People who don't accept this are simply shutting their eyes and ears, choosing to live in their fantasyland of denial. You may want it to be true, but it just isn't. We are very different from one another. Did not God create us male and female (Genesis 1:27)? What would be the point if we are so similar?
As to the idea of roles, as I wrote in my first entry, it is clear to any objective reader what the Bible teaches on this. I will not debate this here, but go to:
http://www.cbmw.org/resources/articles/cberesponse.php
My real point in all this : In human partnerships and organizations, there is some kind of leadership role involved. Even partners have a "senior partner". It is rare indeed that two people can be so well tuned to each other, so selfless, so other -centered, that there is no need for a leader. I am not saying it is impossible, but is very rare. In addition to positive changes in our society, feminism has resulted in women leading and husbands following, not equality. Stay at home husbands and men following career women lead to almost inevitable unhappiness and divorce. Common in the academic world, I have seen it time and time again. And that is not the worst of it. What of the children? Stay tuned.
2. The most recent comment dovetails with the last point of the first entry . It is all about you and your happiness. You made a mistake. Are you not entitled to a "second chance" ? Consider this:
All of the biblical teachings on marriage and divorce were given in the context of arranged marriages, both Jewish, Greek and Roman (not 100% of the time, but mostly.) Were there mistakes made by parents and others who arranged these marriages? I would imagine so. And yet Jesus still taught to shun divorce-God hates it. (You'd think we would do a better job choosing our own mates, but I guess not.)
It is not about being happy, recognizing potential. It is about commitment and loving sacrificially. You did not promise to stay with your partner until you are unhappy, but until death! Older vows always contained the phrase "for better or for worse" Well, why is that in there? Because there is alot of "worse"!
As far as Christian counseling goes, one has to be really careful. There are a lot of poor ones and their "counsel" is often distorted by post-modern psychology, rather than driven by rational use of scripture. My wife and I had one counselor who came from a well known seminary, was egalatarian in his views... and had an affair and left his wife (and his God).
Does God forgive? Are there second chances in my "brand" of Christianity? OF COURSE!! But God wants us to avoid all the pain and anguish in the first place and follow his counsel. We are too prone to give up on the hard things and pursue "happiness". That is not Christianity. That is immaturity.
Did not Jesus say, "If you truly love me, you will follow my commandments"? He did not say "If you truly love me, you will be happy and realize your potential".
Next: So What is a Good Marriage Anyway?
Hyperbole can be very useful. After all, Jesus used it frequently. Of course, my title "Marriage is Dead" is just that, designed to get your attention. And yet...
I really appreciate those of you who comment. I truly hope what I write will influence some to think, reconsider positions, and open their minds beyond the indoctrination of our culture, education and poor Biblical teaching. I would love to see a resurgence of godly marriages! But so far, all the comments to my humble blog support my contentions. Let's see, where to begin.
1. What is the central tenant of feminism? Simple: Men and women are basically the same, and therefore equal in all respects (actually, feminsim morphed over the years to really take the position that women are better than men, but that is another topic.) One comment alluded to the idea that scripture even teaches this.
Wow.
The "Big Lie" triumphs again-say something loud enough and often enough and people will believe it. Gentle readers, of course scripture teaches we are equal before God: in Christ there is neither male nor female. No one doubts that. But the idea we are the same in all respects is just, well, ... absurd. You might as well believe the moon is made of cheese. Genetics, physiology, pschology, history, archeology,and theology (solid, not spongy post-modern nonsense) all disprove this. People who don't accept this are simply shutting their eyes and ears, choosing to live in their fantasyland of denial. You may want it to be true, but it just isn't. We are very different from one another. Did not God create us male and female (Genesis 1:27)? What would be the point if we are so similar?
As to the idea of roles, as I wrote in my first entry, it is clear to any objective reader what the Bible teaches on this. I will not debate this here, but go to:
http://www.cbmw.org/resources/articles/cberesponse.php
My real point in all this : In human partnerships and organizations, there is some kind of leadership role involved. Even partners have a "senior partner". It is rare indeed that two people can be so well tuned to each other, so selfless, so other -centered, that there is no need for a leader. I am not saying it is impossible, but is very rare. In addition to positive changes in our society, feminism has resulted in women leading and husbands following, not equality. Stay at home husbands and men following career women lead to almost inevitable unhappiness and divorce. Common in the academic world, I have seen it time and time again. And that is not the worst of it. What of the children? Stay tuned.
2. The most recent comment dovetails with the last point of the first entry . It is all about you and your happiness. You made a mistake. Are you not entitled to a "second chance" ? Consider this:
All of the biblical teachings on marriage and divorce were given in the context of arranged marriages, both Jewish, Greek and Roman (not 100% of the time, but mostly.) Were there mistakes made by parents and others who arranged these marriages? I would imagine so. And yet Jesus still taught to shun divorce-God hates it. (You'd think we would do a better job choosing our own mates, but I guess not.)
It is not about being happy, recognizing potential. It is about commitment and loving sacrificially. You did not promise to stay with your partner until you are unhappy, but until death! Older vows always contained the phrase "for better or for worse" Well, why is that in there? Because there is alot of "worse"!
As far as Christian counseling goes, one has to be really careful. There are a lot of poor ones and their "counsel" is often distorted by post-modern psychology, rather than driven by rational use of scripture. My wife and I had one counselor who came from a well known seminary, was egalatarian in his views... and had an affair and left his wife (and his God).
Does God forgive? Are there second chances in my "brand" of Christianity? OF COURSE!! But God wants us to avoid all the pain and anguish in the first place and follow his counsel. We are too prone to give up on the hard things and pursue "happiness". That is not Christianity. That is immaturity.
Did not Jesus say, "If you truly love me, you will follow my commandments"? He did not say "If you truly love me, you will be happy and realize your potential".
Next: So What is a Good Marriage Anyway?
posted by Rob | 9:49 AM
4 Comments:
Roles, smoles. There loose guidelines at best. Strict adherence to perfect roles for husband and wife only enhances the problem of unmet expectations that we judge our partner with. Kathy and I both recognized that we have personality traits that switch our roles with respect to evangelical role expectations for spouses and parents.
To my wife:
Kathy, rather than measuring me in your vision of my performing in the predefined role of a Christian husband, see my individual strengths and weaknesses and help me pursue who I can be as a man, a husband, and a father. I will do the same for you. I will help you as you find your own best role as woman, wife, and mother. Let's read God's word together, pray, encourage, correct (gently), and forgive.
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
I cringe every time I reread my comments. Misspellings and typos.
2 reduse my cringing I wil stop rereading. Im sarri 4 mi carles righting.
Just a note. How does the eternal truth of equality work its way into righteous action? Think of Phil. 2:6. Jesus did not think that equality with God a 'thing to be grasped' (possessed). Rather he submitted as the obedient Son of God. His equality is TRUE, but his action was not based in possessing the equality. His action lifted up the Other (God the Father) above himself. Submission in humility was the eternal TRUTH of his action concerning himself. 'Lifting up' the Other in love was the eternal TRUTH of his action concerning the Other.
While Equality is TRUE between male and female, slave and free, Jew and gentile, Jesus and the Father. Action concerning self was based in humble submission. Action concerning Other was based in lifting love.
The roles are temporal. They will change, have changed, should change to reflect the timeless truths. Roles will always reflect the differences in the sexes to some extent, but they must also be adapted to reflect the differences in the individuals, too.
"Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ." Eph 5:21
Ok Vince,I can't resist. Here's why I can't agree with you here:
1.In I Tim. 2 the Holy Spirit inspires Paul to explain that women's roles are limited in the church because it was Eve who has first decieved and she was second to be created. This transcends culture and time-it is part of her original self, her nature. She is "saved" or "restored" through childbirth , whatever that means. It would seem logical to infer that is why a woman's role in the family also centers around children and being a helpmate to her husband. It is perjorative to call it an "evangelical role". (I could call your model the "liberal" role.)It is supported by thousands of years of history and diverse cultures.
2. Eph 5:21 does not speak to marriage, per say. Most versions with paragraphs have it ending the PREVIOUS paragraph, dealing with life within the church. V 22 begins the section on marriage. Notice the word for "submission" is NEVER used for the husband in relation to his wife.But sacrificial love IS taught. I think there is a difference.
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